Last week, we asked four questions to help answer the BIG question: “Should I get engaged?” Today, we’re moving on to the multi-thousand dollar decision: how to pick out the right engagement ring! Starting with the day you propose, your future partner will likely wear their engagement ring every day for the rest of their life! So this is not a decision to make lightly.

 

 

How to pick the right (sized) engagement ring

Picking out the right engagement ring won’t do you much good if you have no idea what size it should be! Maybe you got lucky and your partner has been dropping hints (like their ring size). If so, you can skip this whole section! 😂 However, if they haven’t directly told you, you first have to ask yourself one important question. How important is it that the proposal is a surprise?

 

Maybe the two of you have been having lots of conversations about an upcoming proposal. Or maybe you’ve even gone ring-shopping together! If so, sizing shouldn’t be much of an issue. Just ask her, or have her tell the jeweler directly! However, if you want the proposal to be a huge surprise, you’ll have to get more creative. Here are a two options.

 

 

How to secretly find out your partner’s engagement ring size

Option 1: Be a Super-Sleuth. If your partner already wears rings, you can secretly borrow one and get it sized at a local jewelry store. However, make sure it’s one that fits well on their left ring finger! Or, at the very least, on their right ring finger. Every finger is a different size, even the same finger on the opposite hand!

 

Option 2: Recruit Some Friends or Family. This was my preferred method, although it took a bit more planning. It also requires a very convincing friend or mom! Here’s how I found out Sarah’s ring size. I recruited Sarah’s close friend Clara, who was dating my close friend Ryan. Although I knew that Ryan wasn’t going to propose anytime soon, I let Clara in on my plan. And sent her to do some sleuthing!

 

One evening, Clara called Sarah and shared that she expected that Ryan was going to propose soon. She told Sarah that she wanted to get her ring finger sized, to make it easier on Ryan. But she told Sarah she was really nervous, and wondered if Sarah would go with her. Being the great friend she is, Sarah went along. While they were there, Clara casually asked if Sarah wanted to get sized too, since she was — you know — already there. Might as well, right? Clara then sneakily reported Sarah’s ring size back to me. Sarah didn’t suspect a thing! A modified version of this plan would work with the help of your partner’s mom or siblings, too.

 

 

How to pick the right engagement ring

Way to go! You’ve now got the ring size. You’re ready to do some shopping! But where do you even begin? How to pick the right engagement ring!? Well, here’s a few things to think about to help you be slightly less overwhelmed by all the options.

 

• Diamond vs. Gemstone – Diamonds are certainly the most traditional choice for an engagement ring. But always keep your partner’s personality in mind! We photographed Cheryl & Caleb’s wedding in the summer of 2018. Cheryl’s beautiful peridot engagement ring was as fun, quirky and non-traditional as Cheryl! Caleb knew when he picked the ring with Cheryl’s birthstone that he would not only save some money, but make a statement about how well he knew his bride-to-be!

 

• Family Connection – While every family situation is different, I’m extremely grateful that I spoke with both my parents and Sarah’s dad before I proposed. I spoke with her father before the proposal and got his blessing, which was a great first step in the joining of our families. But in speaking to my family, my grandma revealed that she had been holding on to my great grandmother’s diamond ring since my brother and I were kids with the hopes that one of us would use it to propose to our future wife. Instead of selling the ring like she suggested (it wasn’t an engagement ring), I had the diamond removed and set into a new setting. Not only did this save me thousands of dollars, but it also means that Sarah is wearing a piece of our family history every single day! The last few years we’ve been surprised at how many of our clients are also wearing family heirlooms!

 

 

More engagement ring considerations

• Place of Origin – Assuming you are looking to buy a diamond, it’s important to know your future spouse’s values. Is the origin of the diamond important? Will they want to wear a diamond that’s ethically sourced, conflict free, fair-trade, etc.? If this will be important, keep that in mind as you shop!

 

• Where to Buy – Knowing where to buy an engagement ring is overwhelming. There are online retailers, big chain jewelry stores with heartwarming Christmas commercials, and local jewelry shops. Here, my best advice is to ask around to other friends who have gotten engaged. Or, think of anyone who might have wisdom in the area. After all, a personal reference beats an online rating every time! I know I wanted a personal interaction when I shopped, so I bought Sarah’s setting from a local jewelry store in Charlottesville. Once I purchased the ring, they happily attached my great-grandmother’s diamond!

 

• Always Focus on Your Future Fiancé(e) – Now that you know what you’re looking for and where to look, how do you know what to look for? Focus on your partner, and what they would want! However, if they’re not the type to make Pinterest boards of engagement rings, you’ll have to rely on what you already know about them. Browse a store or website; is anything you see ‘totally them’? Does your partner love the classics and adore family traditions? Consider something like a solitaire, a single stone set into an unadorned band. If they’re more trendy and fashionable, a halo setting (a series of smaller stones surrounding a larger main stone) or a marquise stone (a football-shaped rather than round) might be more their style. If they’re quirky and love being different, maybe you should find a vintage ring at a second hand store!

 

 

How much should I spend on an engagement ring?

When discussing how to pick the right engagement ring, we have to talk about price and budget. Maybe you’re familiar with the old adage of of spending 2-3 months’ salary on an engagement ring. But big surprise here: that was created by marketing experts at a jewelry store! Instead of blindly following their advice, know as best as you can your partner’s expectations. Then take your own financial situation into account.

 

When I decided I was going to marry Sarah, I was only a sophomore in college. I was studying Engineering, working as a tutor to make some extra cash, and running a photography business that was intentionally unprofitable. (I was reinvesting everything into camera gear and software the first few years). If I had saved two months’ salary, I probably would have proposed to Sarah with a Ring Pop! Instead, I put away a chunk of what I made every month for more than two years straight just to afford her setting!

 

Again, know your own financial situation and what makes sense for you. If you’re a college student like I was, maybe the best you can hope for is scraping together $1,000. If that’s the case, your partner hopefully doesn’t expect a grape-sized rock on her finger! On the other hand, if you both have killer incomes and they have big expectations, a simple ring with a small diamond could miss their expectations and create some let-down. You get the idea: be true to yourself and to your future-spouse’s expectations!

 

 

One final caution about engagement rings

Yes, the engagement ring is a symbol of your own love and devotion and commitment, and therefore should certainly be taken seriously. However, it will never be as important as the actual relationship you have! That would be like thinking the wedding is more important than the marriage! Sarah and I sincerely hope that you never feel pressured to put yourself in an unwise financial situation just to match what people around you expect of engagement rings. At the end of the day, all that matters is that your partner loves the ring, and that they say yes!

 

Anyway, thanks for reading! We hope this has helped you as you jump-start the ring search. In the next section, we’ll talk more about planning the surprise engagement itself, but for now, happy ring-hunting!

 

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Check out the rest of the series at the links below!

• How to Propose Part 1: “Should I get engaged?”
• How to Propose Part 2: How to pick the right engagement ring
• How to Propose Part 3: “When should I propose?”
• How to Propose Part 4: “When will he propose?”
• How to Propose Part 5: Where to propose (in Charlottesville)
• How to Propose Part 6: How to Propose to Your Girlfriend/Partner
• How to Propose Part 7: How to Plan a Proposal Weekend in Charlottesville

 

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If you want to learn more about our full-service proposal planning and photography services, click here!